But I did think that I’m kind of like 0 gen AI – you know, the kind where the processing speed is super slow, so when images and audio are too fast, I have no chance of decoding them into something intelligible, the kind that keeps saying “I didn’t understand that. Could you please restate your issue?” until you eventually hang up or shout “Representative! REP! REP!” at the top of your voice.

Anyway, what was once a symbol of great potential – or at least kinda cute in a “wow, that is the best dog I’ve ever seen a 3-year-old draw” kinda way – is now well past its intended useful life.

I know it doesn’t need to be that way, but I find myself too tired to change things. Like a pat of butter (aka life force) scraped over an entire loaf of bread (aka me).

How did I get this old? I swear I’m older than my mother.

I can’t remember much at this point, but I was in the sea and needed to swim a long distance back to… some other place. I think initially I was going to be helping someone else to swim there, but that aspect seemed to fade a bit. The main thing I remember was having some possessions (a couple pairs of glasses and, more importantly, a large, smooth lump of magnetic rock) and I wanted someone to take care of them while I was swimming to who-knows-where. I thought that it might be a bit dangerous to try to carry something so heavy with me, but I felt like I was overstating my case a bit as I tried to talk the someone into taking it and bringing it by boat when they next we’re going to the place.

Also, it was night, though this didn’t seem to concern me too much.

My dream had more water, with tiny islands and bridges, later during the daytime, but I remember even less of that. (I only remember that my age was around 14 because I warned off some guys who were harassing me by saying I was “jailbait”.)

Anyway, I found the dream interesting – swimming trips in a vast ocean do not make frequent appearances in my dream life. And I can’t quite remember where my brain got the lump of magnetic rock.

TP vs TJ = accuracy vs relevance

Pretty obvious, I guess, since it’s been nearly 5 years… Maybe I’ll come back.

We come into the world as gods, and only through living learn humanity.

How do you reacquire divinity without losing yourself as a human?

Sometimes I think my biggest fear is coming to conclusion that this is it, that there is nothing truly transcendent.

Then I realize that my real problem is too much time on my hands, too much thinking with too little activity.

Early this morning, before wake-time (or maybe last night), I kept hearing (auditory hallucination or just dream disturbances?) someone calling me. I’d have sworn I was awake when I heard it, right next to my ear, but there was no one there.

I wonder if there’s a mechanism by which increased consumption of glucuronolactone, a structural component of nearly all connective tissue, could potentially signal the body to break down joint tissue. I have no basis for this idea, other than a seeming (chronological) correlation between my own increased energy drink consumption and recent stiffness/swelling/pain in my right knee (which has a torn ACL that was never repaired).

That was the goal of a self-help program for mothers that featured in one my dreams last night. Not so exciting, right? When I saw it, I was like… WHAt?! What good is that?

I guess it was supposed to be a place to start, something to build on. But I’m finding that I have trouble committing to something that isn’t “Everything I Want”. I’m not good being satisfied with 80%, 90%, 70%; I go into why-bother mode.

It’s a problem.

Now I just need to learn how to play 🙂